NorthSouthMedia Blog » Humour

Google UK Serps COM On Down

Paul Steven — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:22:38 +0000

I really like Google, I really do, but sometimes it throws out a curve ball, that catches everyone trying to understand how this goliath search engine works off balance. The most recent was the invasion of american .com sites into the Google UK SERP’s (Search Engine Ranking Positions). It lead to many optimising companies and commentators blogging about this update.

From SEOptimise, to the Search Cowboys, to SEO Design Solutions … each trying to work out why Google would dilute UK businesses from their own geo-targetted Data Centre. Some even came up with quite interesting conspiracy theories like the guys from Fresh Egg.

However, this aint something new and bold from Google, as a similar, but not as largescale (or as widely commented) occurence happened last year as this Webmaster World post indicates.

When things like this happen I like to think in analogies to try and understand the situation better. It’s my own little trick and I’m sure there are many others like myself which apply simplified imagination to help understand a problem better.

This time I have morphed Google into a ‘Game Show Host’, inside my tiny mind. And us poor boys and girls working, finger-to-the-bone, optimising sites for our clients are Google’s contestants. Google as the ‘Game Show Host’ is a cross between Jim Bowen and Bruce Forsyth, combover included.

At every twist and turn the ‘Game Show Host’ is in complete control, toying with the poor competitor (optimiser, webmaster) as they speed up or slow down the conveyor belt full of prizes. He’ll ask you to jump through hoops, build a site to the rules of the game, then tell you to do it again blindfolded while they litter the place full of Hot Spots, all the time your chances of spinning off The Big Wheel, grow greater with each cycle.

Remember, the principle of the ‘Game Show Host’ is to make the contestants take chances of winning bigger that way the show becomes much more emotionaly charged. In the end Google never say, “Smashing, Super, Great … Didn’t he do well?” Nah, it’s much more fun to reveal, “Here’s, what you Could Have Won!”

Please fill in the Blanks to find out MY answer to the recent .com Google UK Serp invasion…

Because its Google’s search engine and they can do what the [blank] they like.

SEO Ayrshire More Difficult To Rank For Than You’d Imagine

Paul Steven — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:47:21 +0000

I remember when life used to be simple, not anymore. Jings, its even getting tough for me to rank #1 for SEO Ayrshire! Myself and Boydie (Colin Boyd) used to slug it out for the coveted prize, although to be fair I don’t think Boydie was ever really aware I was trying to topple him. He’s got Ayrshire in his domain, makes it a wee bit tougher. Any whoo, Boydie, sorta gave up the ghost on his blog, for a bit, leaving the door open for your’s truly to take the mantle and then … whack! Google and Dave Naylor, pull the rug from my feet.

Again, I doubt if Dave Naylor knows much about his ranking dominance for SEO Ayrshire, its just that Google thinks you have mispelt and wants you to try Yorkshire instead …

Ah, for the good old days, when Google knew that Ayrshire was an actual county in Scotland and not a misspelling.

7 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

Paul Steven — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 00:28:54 +0000

OK, I got caught up in this little craze going around, by Richard at MakakMedia and thought, sure I could go for some of this, why not. Anyways the rules of the game according to the meme are as follows :

Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post. (see above)
Share seven facts about yourself in the post. (see below)
Tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs. (see below)
Let them know they’ve been tagged. (you’ll just have to trust trackbacks and such)

So, as I said, why the heck, not, here are Seven things about me that you didn’t know :

1) I have 3 kids, all with the letter Y in their name : Robyn, Jay & Skye. Why? Guess, it seemed a good idea at the time.
2) I used to be a BreakDancer in my youth and have seen such acts LL Cool J, Public Enemy, Erik B and Rakim and Beastie Boys live, when I was just 15/ 16.
3) I snapped my achillies while playing football, thus ending forever my sporty lifestyle, days after I snapped my achillies we flew out to Spain, where I ripped it a further 3 times during healing process, all in the aid of looking cool at the beach.
4) I am the eldest of three sons and also the smallest, how the hell does that work?
5) I used to write short stories and have 1 or 2 published.
6) I once entered a UK Bookbinding competition and came 3rd.
7) I’m an avid red wine drinker and also have a soft spot for foreign beers (Leffe, being my favourite).

People I’m tagging here, as follows :

1) Andrew Burnett – andrewburnett.com
2) Shaun Anderson – Hobo Web
3) Lyndon Antcliff – Cornwall SEO
4) Chris Clarkson – Pfft.co.uk
5) Dave Naylor – Dave Naylor
6) Tim Nash – Tim Nash
7) Lynne Foster – PolR

What If SEO / Search Had Action Figures Part II

Paul Steven — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:44:53 +0000

It’s bigger, badder and back – its What if SEO / Search Had Action Figures II – The Sequel

And like its predecessor it’s another chance to dress the most talked about seo / search marketers in spandex and give them ultimate superhero powers.

These heroes of seo / search may not be the first thought in your head to call when the world needs saving but once they pull on their alter-ego costumes there can be only one outcome – we’re all doomed.


Jeff Quipp
Hero Name	Doctor Octupus
Strengths	A social media demi god : so many fingers in so many social media sites
Weaknesses	Don’t ask him what time it is – he forgets which arm he put his watch on.


Stoney De Geyter
Hero Name	Green Arrow
Strengths	Straight talker who tells it like it is and always hits the target.
Weaknesses	Lying on pool tables and upsetting the flow of the game.


Link Moses
Hero Name	Flash Gordon
Strengths	True Story : Trace the history of link building back to the first ever link it belonged to Eric.
Weaknesses	Carbon daing tests show that Eric was not building links before the Internet was borne.


Dan Thies
Hero Name	Sandman
Strengths	One email from this man and your hooked – master of marketing.
Weaknesses	Beaches and little kids trying to build castles and plank flags in his head.


Hamlet Batista
Hero Name	The Hulk
Strengths	Wonderous individual with an appealing scientific approach to his industry.
Weaknesses	Don’t get him angry about automated SEO, seriously, don’t, you won’t like him when he’s angry.


Joost de Valk
Hero Name	Green Lantern
Strengths	Can develop a plugin to show you which plugin you require.
Weaknesses	Plugins


Graywolf
Hero Name	Silver Surfer
Strengths	Leader of a pack or confident alone — alpha male.
Weaknesses	Just for Men is just not strong enough for those silver shards.


Lee Odden
Hero Name	The Rhino
Strengths	Powerful online marketing voice and force.
Weaknesses	Aint got NSM in his top blog posts.


Lisa Barone
Hero Name	Catwoman
Strengths	Do not get shouted down by this woman – she brings a new sense to an online roasting.
Weaknesses	Finds it hard to relax and blog in all that tight gear – hence the smackdowns.


Shaun Anderson
Hero Name	Mister Fantastic
Strengths	Fantastic usability and accessible SEO
Weaknesses	Stretches too many hours into a working day also supports Celtic


David Harry
Hero Name	Joker
Strengths	Worldy wise and a belly full of laughs Dave puts the smile into social media.
Weaknesses	Deals with bad karma with humour but read between the lines to see Dave aint laughing.


Andrew Girdwood
Hero Name	Wolverine
Strengths	Great communicator always one to test and try new devices.
Weaknesses	Secretly yearns for Scotland and a deep fried mars bar for his lunch instead of all that healthy european food.

Where is the evil despots I hear you cry. We’ll TBH nothing much has changed in that respect DrEvil and Mini Me are still spinning the same ol’ bait. So, if they can’t be bothered changing the tune ne’er can I.

My next seo / search post is deemed for xmas and I have already slotted places for Superman, Spiderman, Venom and Wonder Woman. Even Matt Cutts has been powered up to deem lycra for this one

Betting for Blog Posts

Paul Steven — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:13:14 +0000

Recently Tom Tsinas of Search Engine People and myself entered into a little bet over a football (soccer) game where the loser would produce a blog post on their site about the victors favourite team.

The teams involved in this shoot out was my beloved Glasgow Rangers and Toms Greek tormentors known as Panathinaikos. It was staged in the UEFA Cup and both teams were part of the last 32 left in the competition.

The teams play each other home and away and the first leg was at Ibrox Park, the home of Rangers. 50,000 plus fans watched the Panathinaikos goalkeeper make wonder save after wonder save to finish the game 0-0. To say I was nervous about our trip to Greece was an understatement. Scottish teams don’t travel well. And the Panathinaikos stadium is a very imposing environment to play in.

Both Tom and myself had been winding each other up on StumbleUpon, sending each other pages with underlying messages about the others football team. It was all in good fun.

The match in Greece got off to the worst possible start, with the Panathinaikos skipper scoring a wonder goal. Then Rangers were run ragged, wave after wave of Panathinaikos attacks thwarted by staunch Rangers defending and a large slice of luck. The crowd were getting more hostile as well, turning up the volume, I don’t know what they were chanting but I had had enough.

As soon as half-time came I switched the tv off. There was no-way I was watching my team get pummeled. Later that night, around 10pm, 3 hours after the match finished did I dare venture to find out the score. I almost jumped out my chair when I saw it finished 1-1, somehow Rangers had managed to hold off Panathinaikos and then scored a goal with barely seconds to go. A score draw meant we were through. Scoring away from home counts as double in European competitions.

Tom messaged me, stating that as the game ended in a draw we should both do a post. No worries I thought. Hence this post. I wonder if this could be something that may catch on – betting for blog posts – who knows!

I have embedded highlights of the match if anyone is interested in seeing it, the Panathinaikos captain’s goal is something else. But wee Novo’s goal for Rangers was just so much better, don’t you agree Tom?

What if SEO & Search Had Action Figures

Paul Steven — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 02:47:49 +0000

We see them everyday, in our RSS feeds, in our daily paths as we seek out our industry news. Those commentators who scoop the headlines or are so engraved in the search engine marketing industry that future babies will bare their name (ok, I took that a little too far but c’mon a build-up is a build-up). They are our No. 1 source for breaking news and inside information.

So, say, what were to happen if … the SEO & Search world were to go mainstream. Ballistic Rock Star status would beckon. TV shows, iconic adulation, chat show spots are a few money making schemes. But we all know where the moneys at! Kids toys! Just ask George Lucas.

And with about as much content as an AdSense Scraper site I bring you; ‘What if The SEO & Search World Had Action Figures’ debate. Yeah I know its weak, heck, keep with it you might even find it slightly amusing as a Duran Duran comeback tour.

Without further ado, I have listed those commentators that a plastic profile manufacturer may make a buck or two from. There are a helluva lot of others that haven’t made the grade, not because I think there not good enough but because at the end of the day I couldn’t be arsed searching no more. I do have a company to run, after all. If you feel that I have missed anyone out then post a comment or two and I’ll update the list as we go.


Danny Sullivan
Hero Name	Captain Search
Strengths	Knows a lot, Knows a helluva lot, Can make ShoeMoney quiet, WooHoo!
Weaknesses	Wire(d), Says sorry at the drop of a hat, doesn’t link to me


Tamar
Hero Name	Tamar The Truthful
Strengths	Heavy hitter in the World of Social Media
Weaknesses	Suffers from large thumb syndrome from too much thumbing-up.


Rand Fishkin
Hero Name	Rand The Six Million Dollar Guy
Strengths	Has an army of Mozzites that obey his every word.
Weaknesses	Too nice and also doesn’t link to me!


Sebastian
Hero Name	Seb The Red Claw
Strengths	Too clever for his own good!
Weaknesses	Too clever for his own good!


Dave Naylor
Hero Name	Dave N
Strengths	Highly competitive.
Weaknesses	Overwhelming need to turn Matt Cutt’s (Google’s prodigal son) to the Dark Side. Not giving me an interview slot.


Lyndoman
Hero Name	Darth Red
Strengths	If its online then Lyndoman is on it.
Weaknesses	Suncream, rids that redness.


Tim Nash
Hero Name	Tim the Truthful
Strengths	Tell’s it like it is. You can’t handle The Truth so don’t ask.
Weaknesses	Talks in his sleep, so if you want the secrets to SEO ask Tim over for the night.


Arron Wall
Hero Name	Arron the Wall
Strengths	Great author, fantastic SEO.
Weaknesses	Don’t ask him what book he’s reading.


Jim Boykin
Hero Name	Jim The Authority Link
Strengths	Can make scary link building drawings that keep you captivated for weeks.
Weaknesses	Pulls funny poses for the camera when least expected.


Bill Slawski
Hero Name	Billy The Fish
Strengths	Devours search engine patents for his lunch!
Weaknesses	Reminds me of my Craft and Design Teacher.

And with every hero group you get the anti-heroes, and quite frankly one of these guys deserves every thing coming and well the other well he slags off SEO’s for fun, which is which you make your own mind up.


Jason Calaacacacacanis (acht too) & ShoeMoney
Anti-Hero Name	Dr Evil & Mini Me
Strengths	People throw money at them as if its going out of fashion.
Weaknesses	T-Shirts and bad search engines.

Monkey Tennis SEO

Paul Steven — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 01:38:55 +0000

It still irks myself when I come across SEO companies that promise the Earth and deliver nothing better than costly ‘time-wasted’ exercises. And believe me there is a girth of them out there selling their wares and promises like tomorrow never existed.

I know, I know, they have been labeled everything from Snake-Oil Salesmen to Fly-by-Night SEO companies but in reality they still turn a coin and business after business still buy into their chocolate-coated – Page One – guaranteed spiel. Its hardly their fault that companies want to chase after a non-existent dream of bossing the top positions of the search engines for a little less than a few hundred quid each month.

Me and the rest of the SEO community could blog or post or plead until our keyboards harbored the shreds of our finger tips that these companies are not worth a second glance but what difference does it make when enterprises are still barely switched onto to what is required to have a decent chance of making an on-line success of their business.

I have even come across big players within the SEO community promising outlandish guarantees of page one listings within a ten month period. Its only when you read their small print that you begin to chuckle inward, then realise that they are no-better than the scheming lowest common denominator SEO company that you and I would class as snake-oil.

It is with the emergence of these (gawd, I hate to say it) more enterprising firms taking on-board tactics such as lower than a slugs gonads that I have taken it within myself to claim the right to call such companies as ‘Monkey Tennis SEO’.

Off-line media describes the term Monkey Tennis as poorly-conceived or of particularly low quality which fits these should-know-better SEO companies adaquetly. The sooner we have a governmental body or even a peer ranking system for SEO and Internet Marketing companies the better.